I have this ability to go “all-in” in life. And sometimes, I find, that can really muck up the waters if I let it…and I often let it. What else is possible with that??
*LOVE* the ALL-IN Side
(Can you hear the sarcasm there?)
Honestly, most of the time, going all-in is great and it works well for me. It often means that I live life fearlessly. I make a choice and dive right on in….full throttle.
My all-in side is actually why I’ve been MIA here and in other venues where I was pretty active and social and working. Interesting choice, right?
How All-In May NOT Work For Me
When I go all-in on a project, I am hyper-focused until it’s complete. But what if that project doesn’t complete? Well, then I find myself allowing that project to consume my life….sun up to sun down.
Example #1: I recently took a position as a barn manager. It was something I’d desired to do for quite some time. So, I was excited and dove right in….all…in. I found myself going in early and staying late, working through lunch, putting in long (physically demanding) days, all much to the frustration of my neglected family.
You see, my all-in nature sometimes means that I hyper-focus on ONE thing, get tunnel vision and then everything else gets missed because it’s not in the tunnel.
That can be very detrimental.
Lovin’ My All-In
There are lots of things that are great about this all-in nature. What comes with it is an intensity….an intensity of caring deeply, an intensity of play (when I’m not in hyper-focus-project-mode), an intensity of gratitude and dedication, an intensity of anger and an intensity of loving deeply.
It means I don’t withhold.
I don’t love someone a little now, and a little more in 6 months. If I love you, you get ALL the love. I don’t care a little bit. If I care about you, you get ALL the caring. If I am upset with you, you get ALL the upset (usually short-lived, mind you). If I laugh, you get ALL the laughter. If I am in a sarcastic mood, you get ALL the sarcasm I can come up with in that moment.
I Don’t Know How to Do it Any Other Way
That’s the coolest part. I really don’t. I don’t know how to love someone half-assed. I don’t know how to do a job half-assed. I don’t know how to be a half-assed smart ass. (What would that look like anyway??)
It makes me pretty intense. Sometimes that intensity is twisted and perceived as anger by others and that’s OK because I love my intensity. My two darling children know that I love them…ALL…THE…WAY. They never seem to question that. My horse knows that I adore him ALL-IN. My puppies know that I adore them ALL-IN. My fiancé knows that I love and adore and am grateful for him ALL THE WAY. And then there are people who likely know that I do not like them even the tiniest little bit, so I dislike them ALL THE WAY.
Now, I have to go intensely clean the house which has been pretty neglected too. Time to show the house some love as well.