I read this beautifully written post about women and sexuality. I desired to share it with you today.
I am choosing to make a fresh start this week. I’ve experienced some dis-ease in my life lately and when I look at “why” and “how” I am increasingly clear that I’ve fallen short of doing some things. Things I used to do daily…often multiple times each day. So starting now, I am going to re-implement them. One at a time. And begin choosing a life of ease again. How does it get any better than that?!?
I will post daily how I am progressing as I move through this. Would you be interested in a fresh start too? Would you be interested in sharing your joys and triumphs and moments of awe and gratitude here with me? Would it be fun? Will it add to your life?
What do you have to lose?
My last couple of posts have been centering around when we don’t remain in a space of question. It’s interesting how things can spiral right down the crapper when we aren’t asking questions.
So, what is possible when we do remain in that space of question?
A few years ago, I found myself single again and dating. I approached the prospect of dating in a different way…kind of wanting to test it out and see what occurred. So, I pretty much went out with anyone who asked…unless I had that creepy feeling in my gut from the get-go. In that case, I did not say yes. I enjoyed the process…meeting new people, learning about different perspectives, laughing, free food & drinks. How does it get any better than that!??!
And since I wasn’t trying to land a new husband, I was able to just be me & they could take it or leave it. It was infinitely more fun that way, for me. If they thought I was weird and never called again, cool. If the first date was fun and they asked for a second, cool. If the first date was fun and they didn’t ask for a second, cool. It was filled with lightness.
One of my favorite perspectives on dating comes from the movie Fools Rush In. In it Matthew Perry offers this interesting and pretty accurate account of dating:
Let me ask you a question. What the hell is dating anyway? Except some long drawn out process of elimination where you both try to present your best sides while hiding the real you. And that can only last about three months anyway, because eventually it leaks out and then you spend the next three months getting to know your real selves. And then one of you wants a commitment. The other one wants to bail. Then you have to start all over again.
I did not do this. For some reason, I was able to remain in a space of question and lightness and fun. When I looked at dating, when I went into dating, I fully expected to play the field, as some might say. I didn’t view it that way..and that’s what society calls it right? I viewed it as being selective. As not settling for anything less than phenomenal. And from my point of view, the most fun way to do that was to meet as many different people as possible to see what was fun for me. So that’s exactly what I did.
How many people settle?! How many people bend, fold, staple and mutilate themselves to fit the mold of this person they meet just so they can have “relationship?” Yea. THAT! No, thank you.
Being in Question
Staying in this space of question created a unique experience for me. I met a guy and we went on a date and had fun. He asked if we could go out again sometime. I asked if that would be fun & rewarding and it was light & expansive. So we went out again. We continued to date for a while. And at no point did I “decide” that he must be the one.
I recently went back and took a little walk down memory lane, reading old emails, when I was *supposed to be* cleaning up my way overcrowded inbox. It was interesting how both of us said on more than one occasion, “I have no idea if this is going anywhere or what is ahead, but we’re having fun and I really enjoy spending time together.”
Somehow, we both managed to walk in this space of question and possibility without getting hung up in conclusions like “He’s Mr. Right” or “She’s the one.”
Staying in Question
It’s now a full 2+ years later and we are still playing in question. Even as we plan our wedding, we are able to move through it all in a space of question and “no idea what’s next.” And yes, some days may be less or more fun than others and yet, if I step into a space and look at what would my life look like in 1 year or 3 years or 5 years if he wasn’t in it, it feels heavy and blah. And when I step into a space of “What will my life look like in 3 years or 5 years or X years with him?” There is lightness and expansiveness and fun.
So, maybe he’ll choose to stick around. He could always choose not to. And my life will be all the better for having him in it. Whether it lasts another month or the rest of my lifetime, I am grateful for the joy and fun and ease that I have had so far. I am grateful for everything he has contributed to my life and my children’s lives. What a gift!
Have you experienced a time when you “listened to your gut” and things worked out even better than you could have imagined? I’d love to hear about it.
No. I am not talking for building houses and such. They are definitely required for such endeavors.
I am talking intuition.
Oftentimes, when we are looking at a choice, we get “information” about that choice. And it usually comes in the form of some feather-like touch from God or the Universe or whatever your flavor is for that higher knowing. We get a gut feeling that it might not work out so well. Or maybe a little voice inside us tells us that it’s not such a great idea or that there’s something better out there. Whatever form the message comes in, it is usually delivered with something very light and subtle.
It’s not that we don’t hear it or feel it. It’s not that subtle. We usually “get a sense” about that choice. We just choose to bypass it.
Since we choose to ignore the feather and bypass that knowing, we usually get the 2X4. We tell ourselves, “I’m sure it will be fine” or “I’ll just try it for a little bit” or some other justification for ignoring that little voice or that gut feeling. (Maybe the fact that we are looking at it as a short-term trial should be a red flag, right?) We move forward into the choice anyway.
Things usually go horribly wrong at this point. Well, maybe not right away, but pretty quickly. We get more and more information about the choice, maybe even daily. And we tell ourselves that we are stuck now. “I should at least give it a fair shot and 2 weeks isn’t really giving it the ol’ college try.” Maybe the money is good. Maybe it isn’t the money, but the people you’re around…maybe they are really fun. Maybe it’s the environment. But now we’ve convinced ourselves that we are somehow obligated to stay.
And the information keeps piling in. We see things we don’t really wanna be seeing. We hear things we don’t really wanna hear. We keep telling ourselves it will get better.
The Fall Out
It can be pretty ugly.
We may not be consciously aware of it, but by this point, we are so thoroughly disgusted with ourselves for not listening to that little voice 4 months ago that there is no pretty way to exit. So it can be ugly.
Now, we’ve seen things and heard things and we have all that information seething and writhing wanting to just spew out. We know the “other side” of things now and there is no un-seeing or un-hearing.
We cannot un-know what we know. (Think about how silly that is.)
Again, notice there is no question anywhere in this. There is lot of decision and conclusion (all the have-to’s and obligations). Not-so-much question.
So, what would it take to remain in the space of question so that we don’t have to get a 2X4 to the head to get the message?? What would it take to listen to the little voice in the first place? Would it make life easier? Would that be fun or what?
What would life look like if there were no more 2X4’s to the head?
It might look like less drama. More fun. More peace. Less angst. Less obligation. More joy.
Yes. Thank you. I’ll have more of that please.
One Conscious Chick!
Yesterday I wrote about going all-in. After I posted it, I became aware of something new. Don’t you just LOVE that??! I know I do.
WHERE’S THE QUESTION?
Seriously. Where was the question in all that?
When I am hyper-focus, I don’t seem to be asking any questions either. I tunnel-vision question right out of my life and living too. Interesting choice. WHAT ELSE IS POSSIBLE??
So, what would it take for me to remain in a space of question? What would it take to remain in a space of making choices (instead of completing obligations, etc)?
Oh! And Let’s Not Forget….Where’s The FUN?
I mean, maybe for some people, tunnel-vision is fun but for me, it is not! So what would it take to have more fun? What would my life look like if I had “tunnel-vision” on fun??? Ooooooooooooohhhhh, that sounds…well…fun! I’ll have more of that, please.
Anyway, that’s all. Just desired to share that tid-bit of awareness too. hehehe
I have this ability to go “all-in” in life. And sometimes, I find, that can really muck up the waters if I let it…and I often let it. What else is possible with that??
*LOVE* the ALL-IN Side
(Can you hear the sarcasm there?)
Honestly, most of the time, going all-in is great and it works well for me. It often means that I live life fearlessly. I make a choice and dive right on in….full throttle.
My all-in side is actually why I’ve been MIA here and in other venues where I was pretty active and social and working. Interesting choice, right?
How All-In May NOT Work For Me
When I go all-in on a project, I am hyper-focused until it’s complete. But what if that project doesn’t complete? Well, then I find myself allowing that project to consume my life….sun up to sun down.
Example #1: I recently took a position as a barn manager. It was something I’d desired to do for quite some time. So, I was excited and dove right in….all…in. I found myself going in early and staying late, working through lunch, putting in long (physically demanding) days, all much to the frustration of my neglected family.
You see, my all-in nature sometimes means that I hyper-focus on ONE thing, get tunnel vision and then everything else gets missed because it’s not in the tunnel.
That can be very detrimental.
Lovin’ My All-In
There are lots of things that are great about this all-in nature. What comes with it is an intensity….an intensity of caring deeply, an intensity of play (when I’m not in hyper-focus-project-mode), an intensity of gratitude and dedication, an intensity of anger and an intensity of loving deeply.
It means I don’t withhold.
I don’t love someone a little now, and a little more in 6 months. If I love you, you get ALL the love. I don’t care a little bit. If I care about you, you get ALL the caring. If I am upset with you, you get ALL the upset (usually short-lived, mind you). If I laugh, you get ALL the laughter. If I am in a sarcastic mood, you get ALL the sarcasm I can come up with in that moment.
I Don’t Know How to Do it Any Other Way
That’s the coolest part. I really don’t. I don’t know how to love someone half-assed. I don’t know how to do a job half-assed. I don’t know how to be a half-assed smart ass. (What would that look like anyway??)
It makes me pretty intense. Sometimes that intensity is twisted and perceived as anger by others and that’s OK because I love my intensity. My two darling children know that I love them…ALL…THE…WAY. They never seem to question that. My horse knows that I adore him ALL-IN. My puppies know that I adore them ALL-IN. My fiancé knows that I love and adore and am grateful for him ALL THE WAY. And then there are people who likely know that I do not like them even the tiniest little bit, so I dislike them ALL THE WAY.
Now, I have to go intensely clean the house which has been pretty neglected too. Time to show the house some love as well.
Really. I couldn’t think of a good title for this post. I took a bit of a hiatus for a new J.O.B. I gained some new awarenesses in that process and will begin sharing those over the next few days, weeks, months. In the meantime, I look forward to getting back to writing and business and having FUN!
AND spring is HERE!!! YAY!! How does it get any better than that?!?!
One Conscious Chick!