Welcome to the party of consciousness! We're just two conscious chicks seeking different possibilities for our life and living … and we're interested in having others join us!

Through the Lens

I recently have had, yet another, experience of taking something personally.  I was in contact with an individual who suddenly dropped off the planet, so to speak.  The contact had been pretty sporadic to begin with and then “all of the sudden” it ceased all together.

Of course, I immediately went into the following types of pico-universes:

I must have done something wrong.
I hope I didn’t say something inappropriate.
They must not like me.

I’m bad, wrong and awful in some shape or form, right?

The Truth

Really and honestly.  None of that is actually true.  It’s just what some of us have a tendancy to do.

But we are only looking at HALF of the picture.  We are looking through our own lens.

We Each Have a Lens

Each person has a lens through which they view the world.  I see through my lens.  You see through your lens.  The neighbor sees through his lens.

Everyone has a lens!

And THAT is the other half of the picture.

When we do like I did and make ourselves bad, wrong and awful, we are only looking at the picture through our lens.  We are not accounting for the other individual’s lens.

Aren’t we cute???

We try to take on responsibility for the other individual’s lens!  We’d choose that for WHAT reason?!

The truth is that there are a myriad of things playing into the above example:

Busy.  Um..yea..maybe the person is just busy.
Maybe they are stuck in their own pico-universe about US!  haha!  (Interesting thought huh?)
Fear.  Maybe they’re fearful or uncertain about how/where to move forward.

Across All Aspects

We do this in business.  In our personal lives.  With friends.  With family.  With co-workers.  Business partners.  Associates or vendors.  The cashier in the department store!

We take on the responsibility for everyone elses lens!

Would you like to make a different choice now?

You can, you know?!

Just stop taking on responsibility for everyone and their lenses!  That’s all.  Choose to be aware of you and your lens.  That’s all.

Everything that doesn’t allow you to choose something different, would you be willing to let that go?

Much Gratitude,

One Conscious Chick!

How does it get even better than this?!


Comments on: "Through the Lens" (12)

  1. When that happens to me, I know I have two choices (probably more than that, but here’s the two I’m aware of):

    1) If I don’t want that person in my life anyway, I don’t have to do anything.

    2) If I *do* want that person in my life, I call and ask what’s going on in their life. I can tell whether they are trying to get *me* out of *their* lives, or they had another reason. If they want me out of their lives, I quit bothering them. If it’s another reason, I will try to help in some way even if it’s just to let them know they can call any time.

    Either way, I don’t take it personally. Sometimes we grow away from people. Sometimes they grow away from us. Sometimes life throws something in our paths that we can help each other with.


    • Totally correct Caren! Those are two possibilities for sure!

      It’s interesting to look at how arrogant we can be sometimes…as if the entire of all the world revolves around us and it must be something *we’ve* done because it couldn’t possibly be that the other person is busy or has a life or just forgot. Just highly funny!

      It’s tricky in business sometimes to know when to let something drop and when to pursue it a bit more. And with friends, it can be simpler because like you said, we can just cal them up & ask what’s up.

  2. Réjean Perrault said:

    What about the lens you wear for your children?

    • I don’t really have an answer for that. My children are pretty young still and I would say that it’s maybe not as complicated as it might be with teenagers. Having said that though, we each look through our own lens…and that may change given certain circumstances or it may just be the same lens for everyone. I don’t change my lens (which may be my belief systems, my interpretation of things, my upbringing, etc) depending on who I am with. I am authentic with each individual….it’s how THEY interpret that that changes. Some people may like me when they view me through their lens. Some people may not. And I am not responsible for that…as long as I am being true to myself.

      And that’s just my point of view…

      • How cool is that?
        Isn’t it so much easier and kinder to have allowance for you and others? I mean you can choose and let others choose too. And just because other people choose something that you may not choose doesn’t mean that you’re wrong or they’re wrong it just means each one of us are different.

  3. Lynda Kilian said:

    Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!
    Thank you Sarah. I’ve been very good at looking through other’s lenses in the past. Thank you for putting it in such a wonderful perspective.

    In fact this just happened to me about a year ago with a long time friend of mine. We were not looking through our own lenses, but others. Anyway our friendship became very strained and it took months to finally come to an understanding about things. Still not back to where it was, but that may be for a reason. I’ve learned that I put way too much significance on things, and people. Sometimes we have to let things or people go when we realize the significance we’ve placed on them and what that does to us. I was putting more significance on what a 30 year friendship meant, than just allowing things to be.

    One of the things I’ve learned in Access is that when we are willing to be different, then our friends and sometimes our family doesn’t like who we are anymore. I fought this for a long time and am coming to the realization that it’s ok and I’d rather choose the humanoid I am and just be in allowance for everyone else. Not that this is always easy. I used to really feel so lonely that I didn’t have my “best friend” in my life the way she used to be. Now, I may miss a little, but I’m a lot more comfortable in my humanoid skin.

    Ramble, ramble….


    • I hear you Lynda! I’ve had friends like that…in my life for a short time and then they just fade away. I didn’t used to be cool with that, always thought I maybe did something wrong (humanoid tendency), and since starting Access I am way more cool with those who fade in and out. I also notice I am more aware of who I choose to hang around and that has lessened the in/out effect a bit.

      And there is always the possibility that I am perceiving all the shit of a billion other people who find themselves in some awkward relationship phase. Nah…that couldn’t be contributing here at all. 😛

      It does seem to be true though, that the more ME I choose to be, the more the people who come into my life, knowing ME, actually stick around. People tend to enjoy spending time with an authentic individual, even if she’s a little off her rocker. 🙂

  4. I can recall this specific scenario occurring twice in the past few years with friends. These friends that distanced themselves from me eventually resurfaced, and in both cases, they were both going through difficult times personally. They both distanced themselves from everyone for various reasons. Now as I face these situations or advise others, I remind myself (and others) that it’s often more than meets OUR eye. We do not know what is going on with the other person, and usually it’s not about us! That’s my point of view anyway. Thanks for the post!

    • Great awareness, Michelle. Choice creates awareness. How does it get even better?
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting too 🙂

    • Thanks for stopping by Michelle! Yes…it oftentimes has absolutely nothing to do with us. Good on ya for keeping that in your awareness and reminding others.

  5. Talking about off your rocker maybe its more like off “my rocker.” Here’s a contributory song to Sarah’s blog post.
    I was listening to it this morning and I was like, “Ha…how appropriate.”

    Was it something I said? By Brandon Flowers (lead singer for the Killers)

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